"Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit. The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings." (Jeremiah 17:7-10)
I remember visiting home on one particular occasion during my early college years (undergrad) when a bunch of my family had gotten together. As we all sat around the kitchen table, we got a game of "Would You Rather...?" going, and I recall my aunt asking a question that inquired something to the effect of, "Would you rather...follow your head or your heart?" And my response at the time with much confidence and zeal was to follow my heart "knowing" with all certainty that it couldn't steer me wrong. [To have been so "mature" in some areas in other peoples' eyes at a young age, I was still pretty naive in others.] And my aunt in her most charming way 😏, rebutted my seemingly flawed (or rather misguided) expression of FEELINGS about the matter with her rational and wise THINKING. Of course, I just chalked it up to differences in opinions at the time. But as I think back now, I know not only was she right due to her own personal life experiences which led her to that conclusion but she was speaking from a perspective of Biblical principle expressed in Jeremiah 17:9, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" It speaks pretty plainly, right?
From previous life experiences even during that time, my heart had been broken, letdown, etc., and I'd guarded it to the best of my ability...the best way I knew how. I reasoned with myself in saying that well, "I'll never let that happen" (based on others' experiences) or "I won't get close to a person like that again" or "I will stay away from situations that even slightly resemble one like that" which caused previous hurts. But the thing I neglected to account for with that reasoning (which we often times do) is that, no two situations or people are exactly the same, and even those which have similarities don't necessarily present in the same way. So guess what came? You guessed it! More broken-heartedness, letdowns, hurt, etc. along with its' residual effects (i.e. lack of or hesitancy to trust).
And still as a Christian now many years later, these are many of the feelings I wrestle with now as a result of life experiences. But my current stance is that though these feelings may be present, I no longer want them to be the driving force behind who I am, how I am, what I do (or don't), etc. I often times have an immediate expectation that people will somehow let me down...that in some way, shape or form, I'm bound to be disappointed or hurt by a person or situation. And that deeply rooted inclination runs deeper than present circumstances. Very seldom does how people and things present actually reflect the root causes of an issue. That's why it's important to be intentional and attentive in trying to recognize such things so that we can correct faulty thinking and work through maladaptive feelings. We've all got our baggage, and here lies a glance into mine.
See, I've come to learn that when it comes to matters of the heart, we've got to seek God everso diligently to help us sort through them because we can't do it on our own. [Remember: The heart is deceitful above all things.] But with God through His Word, He can help us empty the unnecessary baggage, fill in the gaps, put the pieces together, mend the brokenness, heal the hurts, and forgive those who caused them (including ourselves). "I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings." (Jeremiah 17:10).
"For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do." (Hebrews 4:12-13)
Church, like all you, I am a human-being with flaws; God and I know that more than anyone. I know I've got things that I need to work on; much of which can't be seen from the outside but is felt from within (trust being one of the greatest works in progress). And I've finally asked the Lord to help me to work through my stuff. I meant it, and He is. And even though it doesn't always feel good...it makes my heart and head hurt at times... and it's a challenging process, to say the least, it's a refining process worth going through with God because I know it's helping me to become a better version of myself. And what I also know is that my best self rests in Christ. So, I'm grateful He's in it and that His Spirit is in me. Despite all my stuff, I'm everso grateful for a clean slate with my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Only God can do that <3
"For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God." (Ephesians 3:14-19)
"Behold, I go forward, but he is not there; and backward, but I cannot perceive him: On the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold him: he hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see him: But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." (Job 23:8-10)
Thank you, Jesus, for loving me through "my stuff" and for how you love me perfectly closer to you!
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